


Amnesia

by levislusciousass



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: A Second Time, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Falling In Love, M/M, Protective Erwin Smith, Temporary Amnesia, oh man i wrote something with angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-23
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-17 22:29:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11278077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/levislusciousass/pseuds/levislusciousass
Summary: A split second filled with the worst possible things that could go wrong during an expedition costs Levi his memories, and Erwin his lover.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really sorry for this but I decided it was time I wrote some angst. As you can tell from the tags, its the good angst with a happy ending, but I'm really putting Erwin through the grinder here. I love my boy and he deserves everything, but I needed to do this. You all know I needed to do this.
> 
> Probably not the last time I'll write a fic with angst but hey, this won't be often. I don't need to be depressed by my own fanfiction.

It was an abnormal. Of course. It's always an abnormal.

The incident happened in a flash and no one saw it coming. How could they?

One second Levi's flying towards two fifteen meter class titans, his incredible speed and clean cuts bringing one down in a blink of an eye. He landed on its fallen back, prepping himself for the next kill.

When he shot his hooks off into the shoulder of his next target he leapt off with grace. Everyone stopped to watch his actions, his right knee bent up to his chest to help him glide with more speed.

A split second. That's all it took. Suddendly there was a hand grabbing at the cords of his maneuvering gear, yanking them to the left. An abnormal had appeared out of thin air, the light fog playing tricks enough to hide it from plain sight. Levi's body was jerked violently away from his objective, a loud crack sounding from his hip. Teeth gritting, he struggled to launch the wire that hadn't been grabbed by the abnormal, at least to keep himself from crashing to the ground where he would most likely die in an instant.

Though his efforts proved successful at keeping him from becoming immediately met with the ground, he was still stuck in the abnormal's grasp. Three scouts went to take down the titan he had been aiming for and another five valiantly went to save their captain.

They kept him from being brought up to its jaws, but in the titans efforts to shoo away its new company, his line was dropped, forgotten. The other hook dislodged, and before he could shoot it out again he was met with the ground in an unholy thump.

Three soldiers went down while trying to kill the abnormal, only for the veterans to kill it themselves. Titan free, for the moment. Now to deal with the horrific sight before them.

One person in particular was shocked into immobility. Erwin Smith, the commander who seemed unphased by anything, had yet to move since his best captain was snatched. It had only been ten seconds, but he was stunned, eyes wide and mouth agape.

A second after Levi hit the ground he had snapped the reigns on his horse, shooting forward with impressive speed. Someone called after him, but he didn't hear them. His eyes were trained on the sight of a fallen cape, one which he held after expeditions, knew its scent, remembered every cut and scrap it had gotten.

"Levi!" he vaguely heard himself yell, voice desperate.

The body wasn't moving. Levi was unconscious; or worse.

No, he couldn't think like that.

When he was within yards of the captain he jumped off his stallion, knees groaning when he came in contact with the ground. Scouts around him were beginning to gather, though he paid them no mind. He needed to know.

"Levi," he called again, and was met with nothing.

When he came closer he found the captain on his side, one arm bent behind his back. A dislocated shoulder. It could be dealt with. A hip out of socket, he could tell from the stretched material of his pants and the way his right leg hung loosely. Easily fixed. What wasn't easily fixed is if he had no heartbeat.

With a quiet curse Erwin went on his knees, quickly unfastening Levi's cape. He pulled it from his throat, the smooth column paler than usual. He choked back his fear as he felt for a pulse.

Faint

It was faint, but it was there, dammit. He knew a few things from Hange as to what to do during this type of situation, so he went on with his mid-battle checkup. Chest cavity clear. A few ribs broken, but nothing near the lungs. Levi was safe. He was alive.

Erwin hardened his features once again, his prior look of shock wiped away. He needed to keep Levi alive, and the only way to do that was to get him back inside the walls as quickly as possible.

"Mike," he turned to find the squad leader near him in an instant, a grim look on his face. He nodded to tell the man that Levi was still alive, and he sighed in relief. "Take the southern and eastern formations and form a stronghold here, bring them back as soon as you finish. We can't afford any more casualties for this expedition."

Mike stepped closer and knelt by his friend. "Of course, sir. Let me help you get him up. You hurt his neck and he'll kill you himself."

Erwin let out a shaky laugh. Leave it to Mike to get him to laugh at a time like this.

They both picked the captain up and Mike held him for the time being, Erwin swinging himself onto his horse again. The former slid him behind the blond, careful not to jostle him too much. After tying his hands together around Erwin's waist to keep him from falling off, the commander nodded at Mike.

"Keep the western team on lookout, I'll bring the northern back with me." Erwin let those be his parting words, as his reigns snapped and he was off again, signaling for his formation to follow.

Erwin wasn't known for separating expeditions for the sake of bringing a wounded soldier back, but no one would question his motives. His scouts knew how important Levi was to the survey corps, how he was the beacon of hope for most. They needed him. Erwin needed him.

On their way back they were met with three titans but no casualties; Erwin was relieved.

Levi had made no sounds at all and hadn't even flinched. The commander grew worried, but he kept his expression that of steel when he made it through the gates.

He didn't stop for a moment, immediately racing for the survey corps barracks. Hange was right behind him, as they were thankfully in his formation. They were one of the best they had in terms of medical care other than their actual doctors, so he knew he needed them.

Minutes later found him being assisted by two other scouts to help him get his captain down, and he held Levi bridal style in his arms on his way to the medical wing, Hange hot on his tail.

Levi's sweat covered forehead was resting against his shoulder, the subtle rising of his chest the only give away that he was still alive. Erwin's steps became faster.

Through the doors, on medical bed, swarms of doctors surrounding them. Hange was the first to begin treating the captain, two nurses helping unbutton his shirt. Erwin pulled away Levi's cravat, trembling fingers slipping the fabric out from under Levi's neck.

He stepped back to give the doctors space, but he hovered close enough to hear what they were saying. Things he already knew, some he didn't.

"Dislocated shoulder."

"Broken wrist."

"Dislocated hip."

"Fractured ribs."

"Critical head wound."

Erwin's heart dropped at that, his body moving closer to see what they meant.

A large gash was on the left side of Levi's head, blood soaking his collar. The cravat he was holding was stained red, he only just noticed.

The doctors and nurses rushed to disinfect it, a table rolled over with supplies for stitching.

Hange glanced over their shoulder to find Erwin still there, shoulders stiff.

"Erwin," they said, voice firm. Erwin didn't like it. "You need to leave. We're going to have to do some things that may not seem humane."

Erwin's brows furrowed. "Excuse me? Anything that happens in this facility is under my orders, I need to know if he's being cared for."

Hange blew out air, frustration evident in their expression. Erwin hated to put them under such pressure, but he couldn't stop himself from doing so.

"Fine. But move back, we need space."

Erwin did as told, stepping back a full ten feet to give them space to breathe.

A nurse got to work hooking him up to an IV while two others began moving his right leg to check its mobility. A moment later a crack filled the air, followed by a groan that came from none other than Levi himself in his unconscious state. They had just popped his hip back into place. Erwin gritted his teeth.

They went on to fix his shoulder, the crack from that making Erwin wince.

Soon his head wound was stitched together, along with the few artificial wounds along his neck and back.

Erwin was asked to help transport him to an enclosed room where he could rest and as they said, "hopefully" wake up. Erwin refused to hear the last bit.

Levi was irreplaceable. He had to wake up. There was no other choice.

Two days. It was two days before Levi woke up.

Mike had come back with his troops, the mission a complete success. There were only two casualties after he left. They would get funding easily for the next few expeditions, but Erwin couldn't even think about that. He was so focused on the man in front of him. He hadn't left his side for the two days he'd been asleep. Only for bathroom breaks and the one meal Hange managed to get him to eat. His paperwork duties were thrust unto Mike and Hange, but they didn't complain. No one complained. Barely anyone spoke a word to the commander since then.

It was just after lunch, just after Erwin once again refused to eat. Hange had brought up a chair to sit beside him, Mike standing against the wall near the door.

Erwin had barely said a word, but he decided now that he had calmed down he should be informed.

"How bad is it?" he asked.

Hange cleared their throat. "Major head trauma. There's no way to tell how long he could be asleep."

Erwin didn't say anything in response.

"Erwin," Hange looked over at him, concern lining their relatively young face. It made them look ten years older. "The brain is delicate. I want you to take that into consideration."

Erwin kept his eyes trained on Levi as he spoke. "What are you trying to tell me, squad leader Hange?"

Hange straightened at the former address, though their voice is as level as before. "Many of the doctors and I believe he could suffer from retrograde amnesia, Erwin. Temperarily, we hope."

"Levi is strong, he will pull through." is all Erwin can say.

"He _will_  pull through, that we know," Hange takes a moment to look back at Mike and then Erwin again. "What we don't know is what his condition will be afterwards."

Erwin remained silent for the remainder of the time. Half an hour passes, the time long and grueling. He almost decides to catch up on much needed sleep, only to have his attention snagged by a faint groan.

He stands up immediately, eyes trained on Levi's face. His eyes seem to be moving under his lids, only for them to begin to open. They shut right away at the sight of light, but Erwin's heart is already pounding.

He ordered for the window to be closed as to not hurt Levi's head and Mike is on it in an instant. Erwin slips his fingers under Levi's palm, connecting their hands in a firm grasp. Those slim fingers automatically grip his in a weak hold and he believes that everything, yes, everything, will be alright.

"Levi," he spoke, voice only above a whisper. "You're alright. I'm so relieved, I thought I lost you."

Levi's eyes are finally beginning to open fully, mouth parting as he licks over his lips, the skin obviously dry.

He's quiet for a moment, mouth closing again. His eyes drift around the room, glancing at different things he can find. The clock on the wall, the two doors, the window, Mike and then Hange, and then finally, back to him.

The fingers that had previously gripped his are now falling away, hand going slack in his hold, almost like it's being pulled away.

"Levi?" Erwin's eyebrows draw downwards, a concerned look on his face.

Levi is looking at him with a blank stare, only for his expression to shift into one of confusion. Erwin can't understand it. His lips part again, the beautiful, pink skin glistening with moisture.

And from those same, beautiful lips, came the most heartbreaking thing he could ever imagine to hear from the one he so desperately adored:

_"Who are you?"_

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin's stuck drowning his grief and Levi does a lot of shit he regrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooo an update so soon?? From me?? The master of procrastination?? dang. y'all lucky.
> 
> Levi is.. Not nice. He's very not nice. But he wasn't "nice" to anyone other than Farlan and Isabel before the survey corps and since he only remembers from those times I'm trying to keep his character as acwnr as possible. His cursing and rude punk self should give it away
> 
> Also I'm formally apologizing for my mistreatment of Erwin Smith I'm sorry he deserves better goodnight

_"Suppose I do go on this outing with you," Levi appraised the man in front of him, arms crossed defensively. "What do I get out of it?"_

_"I would imagine you could get a meal out of it," Erwin replied smoothly, a grin plastered on his face._

_Levi was a difficult person, but years of growing closer made him far more open to interesting conversations._

_"I could eat."_

_Erwin let out a chuckle. He knew it would take some persuasion to get Levi to say yes to going on a date with him, but he didn't believe it would be comical. His little captain was like an untrusting cat._

_"Is that a yes?" Erwin prompted, allowing himself another step forward._

_Levi didn't move back, instead standing his ground as he stared back up at the blond before him._

_"Fine, Smith. I'll go on that date."_

_Erwin couldn't smile any wider._

* * *

"Who are you?"

_Silence._

It filled the room, an erie ringing flooding everyone's ears.

Erwin's lips parted, unable to form words. He was stuck, hand unwilling to move away from its position atop Levi's.

The raven himself tugged his hand away, apparently uncomfortable with the blond holding it hostage.

Erwin was still bent over, still shocked.

Levi glanced around the room again, eyebrows drawn down. He seemed upset; whether it was from the pain or his confusion, Erwin didn't know. He couldn't fathom anything other than the fact that _Levi didn't know who he was._

Again, this time louder.

"Who the hell are you? Where am I?" Levi spoke in a firm voice, though it was weakened from his exhausted body.

The captain went to sit up but he stopped mid crunch, a hand flying to his forehead. He massaged the skin, groaning in pain.

When he fully sat himself up, he looked Erwin in the eyes again.

"Where am I?"

Erwin, somehow remembering how to breathe, straightened his back and spoke.

"Levi, it's me, Erwin."

Levi tilted his head like a lost puppy. No recognition, no light in his eyes. Erwin's hope began to crumble.

"How do you know my name?" he was getting defensive. Accusatory. Erwin backed up a step.

"You're in the medical wing of the survey corps headquarters, Levi." Hange spoke up, their expression bland.

"Survey corps? You mean that shitty military group?" Levi clicked his tongue and shook his head, only to be reminded of the migraine currently raging inside his skull.

He righted himself again before speaking. "Where's Farlan? Isabel? If you have me, you have them."

Erwin's lips tightened. Hange was stiff beside him.

"What do you remember, Levi?" Hange trudged onwards, seemingly unaffected.

Erwin couldn't tell what their expression was; his eyes were still glued on Levi's face.

"I don't know. I was making the rounds with Farlan, I guess. What happened?" Levi looked around, apparently hoping to find his friend.

Erwin felt he couldn't breathe, his throat closing up. Levi didn't even remember being recruited, much less his friends deaths.

"You were involved in an accident," Hange stated. Erwin didn't know how they were able to speak so flawlessly.

"No shit," Levi muttered, pulling away the sheets to assess the damage. He rubbed at his hip, massaging the bruised muscle there, then to his shoulder. His fractured wrist was bound tightly in a wrap, his fingers flexing out of the top.

Hange handed him a piece of parchment that had his injuries scribbled onto it, grey eyes widening at the extensive amount.

"Some accident, huh," he said, mostly to himself.

As he scanned through the list, he stopped at the very bottom, brows furrowing.

"Amnesia?" Levi set the paper down to look at Hange again, completely dismissing Erwin's existence.

"Yes. We didn't know for sure, but now it's clear. You're suffering from amnesia." Hange clarified.

"I don't understand. Why am I here?" Levi was clearly trying his hardest to grasp the reality of the situation but he just couldn't, his brain unable to form the connections between what he knew and his lost memories.

Erwin finally forced himself to join the conversation again. The sooner he explained, the sooner he would have his Levi back.

"You're a captain of the survey corps, Levi."

Levi shot him a look, one filled with focus. His grey eyes were sharp and while they were ones Erwin was more than a little familiar with, they didn't hold the same soft light they usually did whenever Levi looked at him.

Erwin felt a pang in his heart but he kept going, kept explaining. He didn't stop, not once, till he made it to the present day. Hange made him pause a few times to let Levi catch his breath but the raven shushed them, letting Erwin speak. He said he wanted to know the truth and nothing but.

"So..." Levi was the first to break the silence after Erwin finished. "Farlan and... Iz, they're dead?"

Erwin steeled his features, aware of Hange's eyes on him. How many nights he held Levi when he remembered their deaths, the memory of the severed head of one of his closest friends haunting him till the early hours of the morning. Erwin was there for him, every time, but now Levi didn't remember. He couldn't.

"Yes," it was Hange who confirmed it, though they didn't seem too pleased to have to reaffirm the news.

Levi doesn't speak for a long time. He's stuck on the brink of tears it looked like. Erwin only knew this because he knows Levi like no one else does; he saw the faint quiver of his bottom lip, the wrinkle of his nose. He saw how his eyes drift down to the bed where they blink a few times, rapidly, before he looks back up again.

"It's been years," he said, repeating what Erwin had said before. "I've forgotten that much?"

Hange thrusted themselves into their scientific explanations, telling Levi that what he has is temporary, hopefully, and he should slowly regain his memories as he goes. It might be slow, it might happen in a day, but he shouldn't try to strain himself. Levi simply nodded.

"You need rest," Erwin stated it like a fact, not a question. Levi looks at him again, the same focused look, no emotion other than perhaps confusion. Erwin needed to leave before he fell apart.

"When you're feeling up to it we can explain your duties again. You'll catch on quickly, I'm sure." Erwin turned to leave, the look Mike gave him the moment their eyes met one of sorrow. Erwin shifted his eyes away as quickly as possible.

"Thanks," Levi cleared his throat before speaking again. "You guys seem pretty choked up about this."

Ah, ever the observant one Levi was.

"Was I close to any of you?" Levi asked.

Hange and Mike stay silent, though he can tell that Hange nodded from behind him. He glanced back to see Levi's grey eyes trained on him, mild concern in his expression.

Erwin smiled. "You have no idea."

* * *

 Minutes later Hange confronted him and reminded him that it would be in his best interest to let Levi remember their relationship himself. If Erwin were to tell him it might not be the easiest thing to grasp, as they say. Erwin simply nodded in understanding before walking to his quarters. He had gone two days without rest, he definately needed some. Perhaps a drink, too.

Three glasses of whiskey in and his self control is wavering. It's only dinner time and he already feels it's time for him to sleep.

After he takes a last gulp and tightens his lips at the burning in his throat he's stuck staring at the closet across from his bed. There are multiple clothes; his uniform, casual clothing, and dress clothing. The shirts on the right side are significantly smaller than his, along with the row of boots far too petite for his feet. Levi's clothing, Levi's shoes, Levi's life, Levi's memories; Levi, Levi, Levi.

Erwin finally breaks down. Tears stream down his face and somehow they burn more than the alcohol does.

* * *

Another week and Levi tells the doctors he's feeling well enough to walk. They tell him it's best not to use the maneuvering gear for a while and he concedes. He doesn't want to, anyway.

When he goes into the mess hall for a much needed breakfast he's met with dozens of pairs of eyes on him. He looks around, the gazes he meets all looking away immediately, before making his way up to the front. It's familiar, but not enough to pinpoint any memories there. Like a faint feeling of déjà vu, but that's it.

Someone stops him before he makes it to the line of people waiting for food, a bright smile on her face. Levi can't tell why she would be smiling at _him_  of all people.

"Hello, captain!" she greets. "How are you feeling today?"

Levi doesn't say anything at first. He studies her features, her strawberry blonde hair, the short cut of it. The bright auburn eyes, the thin lips. He doesn't remember her at all.

"Fine," he finally replied. "I'm sorry, but I don't know you."

At that, her expression falters. Her lips drop a bit and her eyes lose some of their light, but she's back to her previous bubbly personality before long.

"I'm Petra, I'm a part of the special operations squad. You're our leader."

"Oh," he says lamely. Petra grins.

"It's alright, Commander Erwin told us what happened. He said to be patient, but I couldn't keep myself from talking to you." Petra is far too excitable for his liking.

Levi nods before excusing himself, his legs striding up to the counter as quickly as possible so he wouldn't be stopped again.

His food is served quick, a sparse meal, but enough to do. He looks around for a moment before finding a somewhat empty spot. That will do, he supposes. The walk there seems familiar, just as the mess hall did, but he just couldn't find it in himself to want to know why. His exhaustion was getting the better of him.

Mid meal there are three people standing at the corner of his table, their expressions that of shock. It's the three people who were there when he woke up, he recognizes.

"Levi," the blond one says. He's handsome, flawless features matching his bright blue eyes. Erwin. The man had said his name at least five times trying to get Levi to remember; he supposed they were friends of some sort.

"I'm surprised you're sitting here," Hange, the brunette who he's pretty sure is a type of mad scientist said, but it held no malice. Just a curious statement.

"Why?" Levi is vaguely interested, though he doesn't really feel like talking to them.

"This is where we usually sit, silly," Hange cackles, the sound shocking Levi.

"Oh." he moves to stand up, hands gripping his tray with a harsher grip than necessary. "I'll leave you be, then."

"No," Erwin says this a bit too loudly, a few heads turning in his direction. It wasn't angry, more of a desperate plea; Levi stopped.

"What they mean is that we, well, the four of us would sit here." Erwin stepped forward a bit more. "Not just us four, of course. A few more."

He's stuck trying to say something and Levi is actually becoming more interested. Erwin doesn't seem the type of man to be at a loss for words, but Levi decides that this is perhaps the one situation where anyone would.

"And?" Levi prompted.

"All of us used to sit here," Erwin stated clearly. "Would you mind if we joined you, Levi?"

Levi raked his eyes over the blond before him, an eyebrow raising. Even if he was unable to remember the man, he was quite handsome. Levi can't imagine how he worked next to the man all of those years without trying to get down his pants.

"Sure."

And they eat together, the four of them silently finishing their meals with comfortable silence between them. Another few people join them but Levi is too busy eating to ask who they are.

They're all nearly finished when Levi spoke again. He was quite interested in the man sitting across from him and hell, Erwin had been stealing glances at him the entire time.

"Commander Erwin, right?" he asked.

Erwin stopped mid way through chewing his bread. When he finished his bite he replied, a bit too eager to hold a conversation with Levi.

"Erwin is fine," he gave Levi a warm smile, something in Levi's chest tightening.

"Okay." he's acutely aware of the multiple sets of eyes on him from around the table but he pays them no mind. "Erwin. Do I have a room?"

The entire table is silent. Levi raised a brow.

"Ah, right." he smiled again, a bit more strained this time around. Levi missed that genuine grin from before. "Your quarters are on the second floor with the rest of the squad leaders. I'll have your things moved over right away."

Levi furrowed his brows at that. "Move them? Why aren't they in there now?"

Silence once again. Was he in the twilight zone?

"They're in someone else's room," Mike speaks up, the first thing he's said to Levi since he woke up.

"What? Someone has my shit?" Levi looked around the table at everyone there, all eyes downcast. He's beginning to get pissed off.

"I apologize, Levi. They're in my room." Erwin is the one who said this, surprisingly.

"Why the hell would they be in your room?" he said this a bit too harshly, with a bit more force than necessary.

Erwin flinched at the question, his eyes dropping from Levi's. Levi felt regret right then and there.

Every scout at the table is unmoving, half of them looking at Erwin and half Levi. Levi internally squirms under their gaze, his lips tightening.

 _Think,_ _think_ _._

Why would his clothing be in Erwin's room? Perhaps his room was under reconstruction and he moved them there? That made no sense and Levi knew it, but he was grasping at straws. From what he could tell they were friends, close friends, from the way Erwin is acting. Close enough for Erwin to have been holding his hand when he woke up. Close enough for him to have been desperate for him to remember him when he awoke. Close enough for Erwin to be making _that_  expression after Levi telling him off. Close enough for Erwin to be absolutely devastated that Levi didn't remember why his things were in his room.

Unless-

Unless it was their room.

_Oh._

Levi licked his lips, shoulders suddenly stiff. No one had said anything yet, tension thick in the air.

"Erwin," Levi said. "May I talk to you alone?"

Erwin simply nodded and stood. Levi regretted his outburst more than anything, but he wasn't about to apologize for it before he knew the full story.

Erwin leads them into the hallway and down a few corridors before they're away from any prying ears. Levi kept a few feet of space between them and it looked like the action itself physically pained Erwin.

"My clothes," he began. "They're in your room."

Erwin nodded.

"There's really only one why to explain that," he said. Erwin's shoulders are tense and his expression is closely guarded. "You told me everything business wise about what happened, why I'm here. But you just- you haven't said anything about anyone. Shit, I don't know, maybe nothing happened. I fucking don't know. I can't fucking remember."

Levi is getting frustrated again, his anger rising. He never could control it, but Erwin said he learned to bottle it up and express it in other ways only after he joined the survey corps. So much for that.

"I can't remember anything," he said this a bit softer, unable to make eye contact with Erwin. "A girl stopped me and said I was her 'leader,' I couldn't even remember her name. I don't know any of you. You have to help me."

Erwin seemed pained by those words, but he stayed silent to allow Levi to finish.

"Why are my clothes in your room?"

Erwin's lips quirk up, a sad smile on his face.

"We were quite close, Levi." he looks Levi directly in the eyes, the strength of his stare nearly forcing Levi to topple over. "At first you wanted to kill me, you even tried to. After you decided to follow me we began to grow closer, you became someone I could call my friend. Then my closest friend."

He paused, apparently unsure if he should continue or not.

"Lovers is the term, I suppose. We just found it more convenient to move in to the same room, as you would stay in mine most nights anyway." he was looking at Levi with an expression akin to that of fondness, the pure emotion overwhelming Levi incredibly.

Levi isn't exactly sure what he's supposed to say.

"It's a lot to take in," Erwin breathes out a laugh. It's strained and full of pain, but he lets it out anyway. "I'll have your clothes moved into your quarters by tonight. At least the necessities. Everything you own is in there, you should perhaps come grab your things over the week. I'd be happy to help."

With that, Erwin walks past him towards the mess hall again. Levi doesn't miss the way he glances over his shoulder, but all Levi can do is stare at the wall across from him as he tries to piece things together. Erwin pauses in his stride.

When Levi made eye contact again, he knew what was coming.

"I'm sorry. I don't remember you, Erwin."

"No need for apologies, Levi."

With that, he turned on his heel and kept walking.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Petition to get Erwin Smith his boy back™


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi shrugged. "I don't see why I should be given special treatment."
> 
> "You're a special person, Levi."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaa I wrote this during my break at work so if it's kinda shitty that's why
> 
> I'm getting into this angst business?? Like yo this is nice. I'm gonna write more angst buddies.
> 
> This is entire story is kinda just me expirementing and seeing what works and what doesn't. It's also just kinda testing me to see if I can write the characters as they should be written. I hope I'm keeping them pretty close to their canon personalities, but Erwin is sooooo hard to write man like holy FUCK b o y
> 
> Anyways, comments and kudos feed my never-ending hunger thanks bye

The next few days were far too many introductions for Levi to handle.

Some people grew frustrated with him, a few of the people in his supposed squad deciding to either give him the cold shoulder or not leave him the fuck alone. He needed time, space; the only people giving him just that were those who had been there when he woke up.

Mike had kept his distance, though he greeted him kindly when they crossed paths. Levi had taken to asking him questions about his life there, the blond man accepting his questions with open arms.

Hange was energetic, asking him question upon question about his condition. Apparently they hadn't met anyone who had suffered from amnesia and because of that they were thoroughly enthralled with his medical advances.

Erwin, though, was another story all together. He had avoided Levi like the plague, locking himself into his room more often than not. The commander had flung himself into work, deciding it would be better than having to see Levi's face. Not while he looked at him like he was trying so desperately to remember. Not when he always ended up with nothing, no recollection whatsoever.

The others had assured him that he had done nothing wrong, the commander just needed time to himself to absorb the information. Levi gave him credit; losing your supposed lover was devastating for one's mental state.

He decided it would be best not to try to interact with Erwin for the time being. Perhaps it would be best to leave the man be until he recollected himself.

The break in his wrist wasn't as bad as the doctors anticipated and his bandages came off within the month, the joints stiff. His ribs were mending themselves together slowly but surely, and his hip and shoulder were mostly healed, for the most part. His Ackerman genes contributed for the most part, but he still dealt with the aches and pains that came with injury. He hadn't remembered the past five years, but his joints definately had.

When his wrist felt well enough to move freely he took to the air again, maneuvering gear fitting snuggly against his waist. His muscles were more defined than he remembered them being, but he attributed that to the fact that he was getting regular meals nowadays.

When he went out to the training field heads were turned in his direction, anxiously waiting to see if the legend that was Levi Ackerman remembered how to fly. Of course he did, he hadn't forgotten his days in the underground where he first learned to use the gear, but he wasn't as in tune with himself as he used to be. Count in the fact that he had gained weight from new muscle mass and he knew he would be a bit rusty.

"Levi!" a voice called, the owner of said voice jogging up beside him. It was Hange. "Hello! I'm glad to see you're here to try out the gear."

Levi didn't respond.

"Well, remember what I told you about the new gear. It's a little different! Wouldn't want you hurting your hip after you just got better!" they laughed obnoxiously, Levi's lip curling in annoyance. Seeing this, the brunette decided it was their time to leave.

"I'll see you later, Levi! Let me know how it goes!"

Levi ended up surpassing everyone on the field, no surprise there. People had crowded around where he was training to watch him go, blades slicing the necks of the wooden titans he encountered. Hange had been the one to give him the rundown of the objective and he had gotten used to it right away, the swords light in his hands.

Muscle memory helped him dodge a few of the titans flung in his direction, the fast reflexes surprising himself. No one else seemed surprised, though.

He landed, nothing but a soft wisp sounding at his effortless stop, and everyone seemed to hurry away before they were scolded.

Except one person who seemed to be far too distracted to remember it would probably be best to leave.

"Commander Smith." Levi brandished his swords before nodding his head in greeting.

Erwin smiled, though it seemed pained. "I told you, Levi. Erwin is fine."

Levi shrugged. "I don't see why I should be given special treatment."

"You're a special person, Levi."

Silence enveloped the space between them. Erwin grimaced.

"Ah, I'm sorry." his previous smile turned sour, eyes looking past Levi at something no one else could see. "I didn't mean to make things uncomfortable."

"It's fine," Levi said this a little too quickly, but he couldn't take it back now.

Erwin made eye contact with him again.

"Thank you."

Levi shrugged it off before speaking again.

"They say you're the best at hand to hand combat here," Levi inquired, though it was more of a statement.

"I was before you came, yes." Erwin answered honestly.

A moment, then:

"Mind going a round with me?"

Erwin's eyes lit up, grin tugging at his lips.

"Of course."

Erwin offered for them both to use the swords but Levi rejected the offer, instead deciding to use the small knife stuck in a strap he had underneath his shirt. Erwin had brought it out of hiding for him after he asked him for it, the thing apparently discarded after Levi joined the survey corps. He had kept it, though, and Levi was grateful to his past self. After all the change that occurred it was nice to have something purely from home, from back then.

Erwin was first to draw his swords, his speed unlike anything Levi had ever seen. It rivaled Levi's own, the flash of light reflected off the blade forcing the raven to hoist up his knife. He twirled it in his hand, the sharp blade slicing through the slightly muggy air and he was quick to back up, the blades barely scraping across his torso. Levi jumped back when they were flung at him again, quick skilled hands directing the long pieces of metal with practiced ease. Levi almost struggled to keep up.

Another second sees him lashing his knife out, a possibly destructive wound to Erwin's arm almost becoming a product, had Levi not pulled back just before it reached him. Erwin took his moment of distraction to grab his wrists, bringing them high above his head and leaving their faces only inches apart.

Their breath is slightly labored, a hint of perspiration of both of their foreheads.

Then, suddenly, Levi is on the ground. He's pressing his left palm to his temple and hissing in pain, the strange feeling relentless. Erwin kneels down beside him, swords dropped to the dirt beneath them. Levi's knees are aching from coming in contact with the hard ground but he's still distracted by the searing pain in his skull.

"Levi, are you alright? What's wrong?" his hands move before he can think, fingers just an inch away from touching Levi's face. He thought twice, hardening his features and dropping his arms again. All he can do is wait.

A minute passed, some scouts circling them curiously. Erwin dismissed them and they hurry away, leaving the two alone once again.

"I... remember," Levi said quietly, eyes stuck on Erwin's chest, likely staring into space.

"Levi?" Erwin is begining to get hopeful, eyes widening at the prospect of having _his_  Levi back. "What- what do you remember?"

Levi is thinking hard, that much is clear. His memories are unclear and muddy, only faint remnants of them flooding back to him. A parallel to what they had just done. A conversation. A beginning.

"I remember joining the survey corps," he finally stated. "I remember you manipulating me into it."

Erwin held eye contact, though his features were morphing into something else. Very subtly, but Levi could see it. Determination. Pain. Both emotions played off of each other, and he could only feel slightly comforted by the fact that he could not see any regret.

"You remember me enlisting you?" Erwin asked.

Levi grimaced. "I wouldn't say it was much of an enlisting. More of a forceful shove out of the underground."

Erwin's features relaxed at hearing Levi joke, a grin tugging at his lips. "You were the best of the best, Levi. I had to have you, even if I knew you would try to kill me."

Levi tried to stand up, Erwin offering his arms to help support him. The former accepted his help, fingers wrapped around strong forearms.

"I can't believe I tried to kill you," Levi said this conversationally, though there's clear confusion in his tone.

Erwin's grin is gone now and Levi regrets saying that.

"I suppose when you regain your memory of your time in the corps you'll understand," the commander stated simply. "Until then, I'm glad you're recovering well."

Levi let go of Erwin's arms, the blond reaching down to grab and brandish his swords again.

"Yeah, me too," is all Levi replied with.

Erwin took this as his leave, nodding his head to excuse himself.

Levi was left more confused than before, pocket knife in hand and a dull ache at his right temple.

* * *

"That wasn't very sneaky, Commander." Hange jogged up beside him, a grin on their face. They hadn't smiled at him genuinely for a month.

Erwin didn't bother looking over at them, deciding it would be best to simply make his way to his headquarters.

"What wasn't very sneaky, squad leader?"

Hange laughed, though it wasn't as obnoxiously loud as it usually is. "That fighting with Levi on the training field. You wanted him to remember."

Erwin stopped walking, the brunette standing only two feet away from him.

"I had to know if it would work."

Hange smiled at him, soft and genuine. They looked youthful again, stress lines smoothed out.

"You have your answer."

* * *

It's late. Really late.

He should be in bed, or doing paperwork. His paperwork duties were stunted a bit due to the fact that his language arts weren't as pristine as they were before, seeing as he had no way to learn how to read and write properly before the survey corps. Erwin had helped him with that, apparently. He had forgotten most of it.

There were still things to fill out. Papers to read. Or struggle to read, as he didn't know what half the fancy words scribbled on the paper were. Not to mention the fact that he hated reading cursive.

Levi had no idea how he dealt with this job.

Nearing ten o'clock he decided it was time to give it a rest, maybe take a shower while he's at it. Most of his clothing was moved to his room already but there are a few things he had forgotten, including his favorite pajama. It was a shirt Isabel had picked for him during a street market. The material was soft and velvety, though he had despised the color at the time. The bright green color made him think of bruises and infectious cuts, but now all he could think of was the life in Isabel's eyes. Or lack there of, now. She was gone. Farlan, too.

He decided it was time for that shower.

Levi made his way to Erwin's room, a towel draped over his shoulder. He had stripped himself of his harnesses and all he wore was a loose shirt and baggy pants, worn out shoes adorning his feet.

A knock, then two. No answer.

Levi tightened his lips. If Erwin was already asleep then he couldn't get his shirt. He felt more lonely than usual that night, his emotional stability gnawing at him for something else from home.

He knocked again. Nothing.

There was light streaming in from underneath the door leading Levi to believe that Erwin was still awake. Maybe the man was in the bathroom. He decided that the commander most likely wouldn't be upset with him if he were to go in uninvited.

Tentatively he opened the door, turning the knob ever so slowly. The door opened, worn hinges moaning. A quick look around showed him the room in all its messy glory. The last time Levi had been in here it wasn't so filthy. That was almost two weeks ago, but still. Was Erwin usually this disorganized?

The bookshelves were dusty, bed unmade and floor covered in various items. A few papers scattered here, some fallen books there. There were shirts hanging off of objects precariously, and a pair of boots threatened to trip him on his way in.

Making his way in, his eyes fell on the desk at the end of the room. There were piles of papers, and in between them, the man himself. Erwin was slouched over on his desk, asleep with his head on a paper he seemed to have just finished signing. There was a quill in his hand, ink bottle close to being tipped over.

Levi was quick to cap it when he found himself already at the edge of the desk, hands itching to pull Erwin's jacket off. Those sleeves were probably cutting off his circulation, dammit.

Something in him made him stop and stare at Erwin's face. At least, the side he could see. His right side was stuck to a paper against the desk, but his left was visible.

High cheekbones, a sharp jawline, long blond lashes. His eyebrows were slightly furrowed in his sleep, perhaps due to his uncomfortable sleeping position. Erwin was quite the handsome man and Levi, heaven help him, couldn't stop appreciating his face.

Until Erwin made a sound in his sleep, lips smacking together. Levi jolted.

That sent him into action, his first mission to wake the man up. He had no idea how to. What if Erwin was surprised and tried to attack him? He had fast enough reflexes to stop him, but he would rather not have to deal with that.

Something in the back of his mind told him to just touch him. It seemed like an absurd idea, but he couldn't stop himself from doing it.

Callused fingers found their way into soft blond hair, the light amount of product ghosting over his golden strands barely interfering with the way his fingers carded through them.

Levi slipped his hand through again, this time allowing his short fingernails scrape at the bottom of Erwin's undercut. That caused the man to shift in his sleep, eyes squeezing shut. Levi felt no need to move, instead deciding to continue his work on Erwin's hair. It had fallen into his eyes over the time he'd spent asleep; Levi fixed that.

Erwin's eyes still hadn't opened, though he was slowly waking up.

"Levi..." he mumbled, the corner of his lips tugged up into a lazy grin. He had said it in his sleep, a completely unconscious decision, and that had been the thing that made Levi back up finally.

At the lack of physical touch Erwin finally opened his eyes, groggy and confused. He blinked and looked around, finding Levi standing a few feet away. A hand carted through his hair, confusion laced into his expression. He felt the stands for a moment before shooing away the idea that someone must have been touching him, and finally addressed the other man in the room.

"Levi," he said this like a question, though it could have also been a hello. His eyes were wide, clearly shocked that Levi had come to see him so late. The way he said his name was nothing like before; Levi almost missed it.

"I- I uh, I came to get my shirt," he began, "it was left in here. You were asleep, so..."

He trailed off, tsking at the way his words were getting caught in his throat. He never had to explain himself in the Underground, people just knew what he wanted. What he was trying to say.

"Of course," Erwin smiled kindly, quick to stand up and straighten himself out.

Perhaps Erwin knew him well enough to know what he wanted as well.

The aforementioned shirt was in his hands in under a minute, and now all that was left to do was leave. He was in the doorway, close to freedom, but he held back for a moment. He made eye contact with Erwin again.

The man had dark eye bags, the skin almost looking bruised. The light in his eyes that Levi had seen the first day he "met" him wasn't there anymore, although it was brightened whenever he saw Levi in his presence.

"You shouldn't work yourself so hard," Levi said. "Sleeping there isn't good for your back."

Erwin seemed shocked by his words, lips tightening for a moment. Levi wondered what was wrong, if maybe he had overstepped his bounds.

"Levi," Erwin said his name like it was something beautiful, something to be treasured. "You're too kind to me. Thank you, I will take that into consideration."

Levi nodded once, sharp. He turned to leave, only for Erwin to speak again.

"Have you remembered anything else?" he sounded hopeful, excited. Levi hated to take that away from him, so he answered as honestly as he could.

"You're more familiar than the others. I think it's because we were so close, my memories of you are stronger than anyone else's."

Erwin seemed a little disappointed, but also revitalized. Like what he had just been told was something revolutionary, like it gave him another reason to keep going. Levi was glad he could give him that.

Another nod, a parting, and he was on his way to the showers.

* * *

_"This is the third time I've found you like this, Smith."_

_Erwin squinted up at the man above him, blinking rapidly at the light in front of him._

_Levi was holding a candlestick, a line prominent between his brows. His unoccupied hand was tangled in Erwin's hair, slowly smoothing it down in his attempt to wake the man up. He set the light on the table, hands immediately relieving Erwin of his jacket._

_"Levi?" Erwin mumbled. Levi rolled his eyes._

_"It's me, jackass. You need to sleep." Levi was a man on a mission. He had already hung the man's jacket up, now capping the ink and setting the quill aside for the time being._

_"I'm not carrying you, get up."_

_Erwin was slow to do so. His back popped when he stretched, arms high above his head as he did so. Levi pushed him out from behind the desk so he could tidy up the area._

_"How late is it?" Erwin asked._

_"Late enough," was all Levi replied with._

_Once done, Levi took up his place in front of Erwin again, lips pursed._

_"You can't keep doing this, Erwin." he started undoing the harness on Erwin's chest._

_"I'm the commander, Levi," Erwin excuses. "This paperwork must get done."_

_Levi shook his head, unrelentless. He pushed the belts off of Erwin's shoulders and held his hands up by the man's neck for a moment, thumbs caressing where his pulse thudded softly against his skin._

_"You shouldn't work yourself so hard," Levi said. "Sleeping there isn't good for your back."_

_"It's my back that you're worried about?" Erwin grinned, goosebumps rising on his skin from the light touches._

_"And other things," Levi corrected. "But yeah, your back is important. Stop being an ass and sleep in your god damn bed, it's literally just across the room."_

_Erwin conceded, allowing Levi to relieve him of his harnesses completely._

_"You're too kind to me, Levi," he said softly, kissing his captain's forehead._

_The raven tsked him, shooing him off to the bathroom so he could brush his teeth._

_Not before Erwin stole another kiss, though._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flashbacks, yo, they're some hard shit to write

**Author's Note:**

> Levi has retrograde amnesia, in which someone is inflicted with physical trauma to the head and is unable to remember their past memories but is able to form new ones. It can go on for a few minutes or hours, and even as long as months or years. Enjoy. ;)


End file.
